Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're a waste of cheezeits
you made out with another girl for some wings
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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