We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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