i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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