worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
