I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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