pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
