I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
