You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
