If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
