so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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