My cat gives me a boner
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
