Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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