Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
