I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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