Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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