To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He passed out mid-signature
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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