Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
