I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
