He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
