i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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