My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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