At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
