i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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