I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yo dont text me then not text me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
