this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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