I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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