ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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