this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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