i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
