So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
