I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
