If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
