I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
