you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
