Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
