when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
