So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
