my phone needs a breathalizer
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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