Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
