I think my vagina is haunted
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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