Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
