we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
