I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
