Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
