Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
