How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
