You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
