I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
