It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
