Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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