I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
