The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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